Trying to Stay in the Light…

I can’t believe how fast the month of August sped by. Most of the time I don’t want summer to end but this time.. the end of August meant that my chemo treatments were coming to a close at least for a little while. So I was indeed looking forward to the end of this summer.. although you would never know it temperature wise at it has been and will be all week in the 90′s!

The month of August has also been a month of many changes and much new information to take in. I found out that I will continue to get one of my chemo meds for the next two years (did not expect that one coming). I’ll continue to get the Rituxin infusions (which also just happens to be the chemo drug I’m allergic to) once a week for four weeks every six months for two years. Not really sure what side effects I will have with  just one of the chemo meds on board but as with how this has always been.. I will just have to wait and see.

Since I’m done with this round of chemo I will get another PET scan and Bone Marrow Biopsy at the end of September. Needless to say that will be an interesting time of waiting and seeing if these poisons that have entered my body in the hopes of getting rid of this cancer have actually and fully worked. For now I’m just happy to not have chemo for three months and not thinking about the what if’s, only the moments of right now.

I also had two huge blows this month.. I found out that by the end of September which will be six months from being diagnosed I will lose my health insurance as well as my job. I haven’t been actively working on account of the cancer and it’s effects on me as well as the chemo effects on me. As you can imagine I did not expect either of these.. I was not told that I could or would lose these until I started asking general questions a couple of weeks ago. I won’t go into any detail here for obvious reasons but I will say that while I can see on the job front why they need to fill my position as it is a much needed one it still sucks and I didn’t think that getting Cancer, something of which I had and still have no control over could take away so much. As for the insurance I’m working on other means of insurance to be covered.

As for dealing with these new challenges.. well.. that’s why these images are here today. They are filled with unusual ways of seeing light, some unexpected and some obvious. If you look close enough you can see things you didn’t expect. That is how I’m trying to view the current situation.

While there is a part of my that is pretty scared there is a bigger part of me that is still very positive and knows that there is something better waiting in the wings for me. Make no mistake I was pretty pissed off when I first found out but I realized within a couple of hours that I was able to get back to feeling a peace and calm and really and truly believing that things happen for a reason and this faith is what is getting me through. I still have some sad and sometimes angry feelings about what went down but they don’t rule me except to keep my positive.. if that any makes sense.

So.. here I am today.. Monday, beginning of a new week, trying to stay in the light. I don’t know what will happen by the end of the week but I know that I will continue to feel as positive as I can, have faith  and pray everyday that there are better things headed my way. I may get knocked down here and there but through it all I won’t stay down, I will come out of all this a much stronger and better person.. for that I am sure because it is already happening.

~ peace ~