This last week has been very trying in many ways but I now feel like I’ve come on to the other side.. at least for now.. I’ve been dealing with some depression for the past few weeks. However part of the problem was that I’ve been keeping so much time to myself that I only had myself to converse with.. makes for a very one sided conversation with no one to be objective. Still dealing with the ending of a relationship as well as the cancer of course and general life stuff. The upside is that I have been rekindling old friendships which has been very nice.
I also spoke with my sister a few days ago and she gave me the best piece of advise.. she said I need to have new positive images in my head to keep the negative ones from repeating themselves. Which means going out seeing new sights and mingling with people.. which has been hard as of late.. due to my lack of brain and my decreasing hairline.. just feeling more and more self conscious being around people.. I know I need to get over it but.. its been hard. So.. after Kelly had told me I need new positive images I decided to do something about it.. even if it’s just to get out for a couple of hours at a time and that is not related to running errands but something relaxing or fun.. so for three days I was able to get out here and there.. see some people.. see the ocean and let me tell you.. it really did help.
I just have to remember to do it more on the days I’m not totally feeling shitty as will be happening starting tomorrow due to Chemo yesterday.
So here I am.. still dealing with everything but now I have some nice positive images that are keeping me at peace and reminding me that there are some great people out there and some really great places to go to find myself again. Thank you to Kelly.. and to those folks whom I’ve gotten reacquainted with again.. my heart and mind are slowly being mended.
~ peace ~
Rekindling old friendships and meeting new people may be hard at first but so rewarding. When you stop to think about it, no amount of “stuff” can give you love or even that wonderful warmth you get from the quick flash of someone’s smile. I need to remind myself this when I find I’m spending too much time at the computer!
Love you. You have a very smart sister. Even if you can only run to the grocery store for 15 min. Whatever it might be, you need to leave your house every day. Yes, even when you feel really lousy. If really bad, just sitting outside looking at the sunrise or sunset. Anything.
When you stop to think about it, it has become commonplace to see people w/ baseball caps, scarves, etc r/t hair loss from chemo. Should never stop you from getting out and refreshing yourself.
You’ve done so well keeping from letting the depression take over your life. You can’t give in now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel is getting shorter.
Love,
YOM
I know it’s hard to stay positive, Laurie — and nobody can remain so always. But it sounds like you are forging ahead with good things and good company.
Keep the faith, sweetie — and remember that there are so many holding your hand along the way, even if it’s not such a visible hand. *Hugs and love*