Another year…

.. has come and gone. It happened so fast I feel like I’m still spinning. I tend to see yearly cycles through school years rather then the calender year.. probably has to do with having a child but I always see the start of a school year as a new beginning as well as an ending. This past year without a doubt has been full of life altering changes that have been emotionally packed and of which I’m still dealing with.

Hayley leaving last year for college was pretty difficult but I did find myself getting used to living in a house where her wonderful energy was not present.. found myself hearing her laughter in my thoughts but not feeling so lonely that I had to stop those thoughts. Learned how to manage my time without having her school days dictating me and found myself enjoying rather then lamenting about all the free time I had.

Began and ended a relationship that was while some of the times was great but most of the time very stressful and unhealthy. I’ve learned from this not to give up who I am to try to please someone else. Of course we all need to make compromises in relationships but not so much that you lose the person you are when you first started the relationship and all because of fear on the other person’s part. Yes it was difficult to end this relationship on many levels and especially so soon after my cancer diagnoses but you shouldn’t have to continue to placate someone elses unjustified fears while your sick as a dog from chemo. Especially when it’s basically the same merry go around you’ve been riding for the last year.

And that brings us to the third major change which of course was being diagnosed with cancer. I won’t reiterate what I’ve written before on this subject except to say that the most important gift I have gotten from this life altering moment is seeing all the friends I really have. As I mentioned when I ended the above relationship I knew I would be alone most of the time while dealing with this and I was and still am but what I didn’t count on what the love and support from so many people who have helped fill those loneliness voids.. comments and messages of love from people all around, some of whom I never get the chance to see in person showed me that I am really not alone.. and that was huge and I am so very, very grateful.

The other day I took Hayley down to college.. one that is only 3.5 hours away rather then 10 hours. We had a great day of driving, laughing, carrying up boxes to a third floor dorm room in the rain, more laughing, setting up her room, getting lost around campus and yes.. more laughing. Finally I left at six pm after a delicious dinner the college put on. Driving home I was a bit sad but not like the year before.. this year I have more confidence and have found more of myself then ever in my life.

So.. yes.. it has been an extremely hard year, one of the worst but it was also one of the best in that I learned so much and grew in more ways then I could have ever imagined and for that I am grateful.

all the images here are from my day at college with Hayley.. hope everyone has a great weekend.. and thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings .

~ peace ~