“Destiny, I feel , is also a relationship – a play between divine grace an willful self-effort. Half of it you have no control over; half of it is absolutely in your hands, and your actions will show measurable consequence. Man is neither entirely a puppet of the gods, nor is he entirely the captain of his own destiny; he’s a little of both. We gallop through our lives like circus performers balancing on two speeding side by side horses – one foot is on the horse called “fate” the other on the horse called called “free will”. And the question you have to ask every day is – which horse is which? Which horse do I need to stop worrying about because it’s not under my control, and which do I need to steer with concentrated effort? “
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under my jurisdiction. There are certain lottery tickets I can buy, thereby increasing my odds of finding contentment. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I eat and read and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life – whether I will see them as curses or opportunities (and on occasions when I can’t rise to the most optimist viewpoint, because I’m feeling too damn sorry for myself, I can choose to keep trying to change my outlook). I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts. “
~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love ~
I took this book out to send to a friend who wanted to read it before seeing the movie. I hope she doesn’t mind marked up books because I sure did mark it up, it is heavily highlighted and has little sticky notes on the pages I wanted to go back and look over.. and that is what I’m doing this morning. It couldn’t be better timing. There are still things going on that are emotionally draining that don’t have anything to do with the cancer. It’s not easy letting go of relationships even when you know it is for the best. The other person trying to pull you back in and even though you know it was unhealthy you still have those pulls. But I have a choice and I remember things about the past that make the choice of not getting sucked into something unhealthy again. It isn’t easy though.. wounds that are trying to heal but keep getting opened back up just by a few words.
The image above is a Petunia I found growing on my brick patio and as you can see its in the middle of a crack. I didn’t plant it there and found it one day opened up. I found the little flower in a very unkindly place to be a good sign.. a sign that even in an unlikely growing spot you can still grow and bloom. Right now I need all the positive reinforcement I can get to counteract the negative.
The passage above is something I need to read everyday.. should start my morning with it really. My opening daily prayer so to speak. I hope it will act as a shield when I get with emotional barbs which at times come out of now where and when I’m least prepared. It could be days and then bam.. another barb.. and I’m thrown off because the last one was supposed to have been the last one. Now that I have read this passage again and know that with practice I feel I have a chance of keeping this shield with me at all times. Hopefully after a while it won’t seem like I’m on guard but will just be a good and natural way of thinking.
So.. I think I’ve rambled enough.. not sure if it makes any sense and in some ways I don’t need to be too literal but it is my way of letting out some thoughts that I can’t outright say..
Hope everyone is having a great week..
~ peace ~
