This past Wednesday was my sixth chemo treatment.. I’m so glad I only have two more to go. I’m feeling worse each time and frankly I’m getting pretty worn out from them. My symptoms are progressively getting worse as I knew they would be. My oncologist had said that the chemo meds or I should say chemo poisons which is what they are, accumulate in the body and thereby causing the symptoms to get worse rather then better with time.

One of the symptoms that I’m having a hard time with of late is my lack of brain power.. also known affectionately as chemo brain. It is getting harder and harder for me to articulate what I want to say or write. My recall is also really bad.. a lot of times I can’t remember things such as names of people, places and things.. I don’t mean I can’t remember what a plate or glass is but more like names of things. Some people’s names don’t come right to me. I make lists so I don’t forget to do things but then I forget to look at the lists. I want to meditate to help with my emotional being but I forget to or if I try to I can’t form it in my brain.. I can’t even write about it to tell you what I mean..  I also am having a hard time actually getting things out of my mouth because I draw a blank as to what I want to say. Even happens with writing.. so if this blog post or subsequent posts don’t sound like me or if the writing is what I usually do its due to the chemo brain.

Also.. to anyone who has emailed, texted or called, if I don’t answer you its because I’ve forgotten.. if I am not able o get to it right at the time of the message then I forget. I try to get back at some point to you but it may not be for a bit.. a lot of the times I am not able to be on the computer and of course that is the time when I will remember.. so please don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back from me right away.. its the chemo brain as well as other symptoms.. do know that I appreciate the messages.

It’s been a long haul and it isn’t over yet but at least I can just start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.. even if that light is short lived and I have to have more treatments or procedures at least I know I will get a break from the chemo meds come September. My brain, body and emotional state could use a rest even if its just for a little while.