“There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”
~ Carl Jung ~
Lately I’ve been beset by sadness.. at times overwhelming, most times just kind of there. Ive been trying to figure out why exactly and I’ve come up that it’s a mix of things that have happened and are continuing to happen. First and foremost is the cancer. I think the treatments, the days of not feeling well and even the good days I’m not 100%, far from it, it’s just in comparison to the bad ones they are good. A feeling that life and time is passing me by while I watch it from the sidelines, not being able to actively participate as much as I would like. I know even when my chemo treatments stop (hopefully) in September that it’s going to take a few months for them to work their way out of my system. It’s all a bit daunting to think about at times..
I had a romantic relationship that ended as well so that has been difficult to deal with along with everything else. It is for the best but doesn’t make it any easier.
Now .. let me just say that I know I have support, I know it could be so much worse and I’m so very grateful that its not. However I feel that I do have to honor this sadness and just let myself feel it rather then push it aside and tell myself to buck up.. as the quote above states it is about a balance and while there is a part of me that is happy about how much people care and the friends I have.. I do have the sadness at the way things are at the moment and will be for a while..
I wasn’t sure if I should be honest and write that I’m feeling this way but I and you, the readers decided I should be honest in my writings so.. here I am being honest. I know things will be fine in the long run.. I have my faith and family with me which is huge. It’s just this day to day living that is testing me a bit.. but hey.. I am living and I am grateful..
thanks for letting me vent.. and the above photos were shot when Hayley and I were in Bar Harbor this past Saturday.. a very happy time to balance out the sadness talk..
~ peace ~
Janet thank you.. I think I do have a little bit of depression but its not too bad and I’m seeing a therapist which is good for me.. I think writing about it helps to some degree as well. And yes.. I do try to always see the positives, I think thats how I know its ok to feel the sadness..
I don’t think there is a person anywhere who wouldn’t feel sadness, especially in these circumstances. It’s how you deal w/ the sadness that is important. There is a fine line between sadness and depression. Being able to look at the sadness as a natural part of the life you are living currently without slipping into depression is part of your inner strength and love from family and friends. I commend you for your ability to look at your circumstances and see the positives, even when you’re having a particularly difficult day.
YOM