Yet even more tests …

The last two days have been kind of a whirlwind.. I was told the initial phase of this would be like that and it’s holding true. My sense of time is gone and everything has a surreal quality to them..

Wednesday I went to see the oncologist. Hayley and her boyfriend went along with me which was a good idea since later I realized I missed some of the info that was spoken to me.When I first walked into the Maine Center for Cancer building it started making the last few days all the more real. As I was walking down the hall and seeing all the cancer pamphlets, resources etc.. I thought my god, I do have cancer, this is real and it’s not going away. Waiting in the waiting room, seeing the other cancer patients I realized I am one of them. I am a cancer patient. Once we left the appointment and were now walking down the same hall but towards the exit I broke down a little bit.. nothing too dramatic mind you but it kind of hit me.. the enormity of everything. This minor relapse into weakness which I know will happen on more then many occasions lasted only a few minutes and Hayley was there to give me a supportive hug and kiss which only she can do.

They said I have Follicular Lymphoma which is a common non Hodgkin and slow growing cancer. However per the CT scan I do have a whole shitload of nodes in my abdomen that have grown together to make a large mass, also have quite a few in my groin area on both sides. It’s a category or stage 3 Lymphoma which means it is above and below the diaphragm.  From a quick physical exam he could feel some nodes that shouldn’t be under my right arm pit and on both sides of my neck. Therefore while it is slow growing I have had it for quite a while.

My Oncologist said this type of cancer does have a high remission rate while at the same time can come back fairly easily which will mean I will need to have CT scans every 3-4 months for the first year if treatment is successful, and yearly thereafter. Also this type of Lymphoma can travel into the bones so they decided to do a bone marrow biopsy while I was in the office. Now that was fun (insert sarcasm here). I will also have to get a PET scan (full body scan) next Tuesday to see where else it has spread and given where it already is most likely it will also be in other places (kinda reminds me of hunting for Easter Eggs (insert humor) ).

Chemotherapy treatment will start next Wednesday and will commence everything three weeks thereafter for a total of 8 treatments which will take about 24 weeks.

Needless to say I’m nervous about the results of the bone marrow biopsy and the coming PET scan, both of these results I will get on the morning of my first chemo treatment next Wednesday. Trying not to think about them too much but they are on the back burner of my mind. Not quite hidden but peaking out just enough to remind me they are there waiting.I also got to have even more prescriptions to take while doing Chemo to make sure my body will accept the chemo and to help with the side effects.

The rest of the day it felt like I was in a bit of a fog. We ended up going out to lunch.. went to  my work to see some nice folks and finally went home. It was indeed a very long day, physically and emotionally. I was sore from the bone marrow biopsy and my brain was spent with even more information that I received. That night the pain from the biopsy ended up keeping my tired self awake until about 2 am. That pain was worse then the actual biopsy itself. It was a achy shooting pain from the inner most part of  my femur down my leg. I’ll be honest and just say it sucked ass.. even with all the pain I’ve been having in my belly for the last few weeks this pain made me cry. It takes a lot for pain to make me cry and I was pissed it happened so early in the diagnosis.. lol.  Thankfully Hayley was upstairs and she got me some meds and after a couple of hours it took the edge off and I was able to sleep for a few hours.

Yesterday was a another busy day.. the morning was filled with even more phone calls to insurance companies.. MD offices etc. I’m also now trying to figure out how things are going to be financially. Which I have to be honest.. look pretty crappy at this time. Again.. not one of the things I’m going to let take over at this time. I’m working on the next couple of weeks and then I’ll see what happens from there.

The rest of yesterday was filled with visits from family. It was awesome.. and it took my mind off of things if only for a little while. Feeling the love and support from my family has been huge.. I can’t imagine what I would do with out it and I am so grateful being in their presence which bolsters my mind and spirit.

Today will be a day of pj’s and probably watching the season finale of Nip/Tuck with Hayley. Couldn’t think of a better way to spend the day..

I can’t say it enough but again, thank you everyone for all the support.. it continues to help me going this whole ordeal.

Have a great weekend!

~ peace ~