I have to say this is one of the most difficult posts I’ve had since I’ve been blogging.. which is about 2 years now. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve had some health issues. I have endometriosis and fibroids on my uterus which over the years have caused me pain off and on. They were acting up again and although I’ve been told before I needed a hysterectomy I was putting it off. Decided to see my GYN about getting one due to my discomfort of late. Upon going to see her and my PCP we thought I had developed a hernia. I saw a surgeon whom the MD I work for recommended for me this past Friday to confirm this. I saw her at 1:00 and until later in the day thought I might indeed have a hernia. after running some tests.. they ruled out a hernia. The ultra sound revealed that I have many many lymph nodes.. more then normal. MY surgeon had said this could be possible Lymphoma. She wanted to admit me right away to get a CT scan and then a biopsy. Per the CT scan as well as the small piece they froze from the biopsy it looks like I have (gulp) cancer, lymphoma. The final biopsy results will trickle in over the coming week to see exactly the type of Lymphoma and what stage I’m in. My surgeon who is an oncology surgeon is the best in her field evidently, and she said that if she were to pick a cancer to have it would be this one b/c it is very treatable. Which gives me some comfort but as you can imagine it still sucks and kinda freaks me out a bit. I first found this out Friday night per the CT scan which showed my whole abdomen is riddle with the lymph nodes.. then got more validation that it is per the frozen section they looked at under the microscope which was yesterday morning. I have to call tomorrow to see my newest doctor, my oncologist to set up an appointment to discuss treatment options once we know exactly what we are dealing with. The only thing I do know is as soon as we find out I will need to start chemo.. could be in a few days to a week..
Needless to say it has been quite a few days over here.. for now I’m oddly calm.. I do cry at times but I’m not angry. It’s possible I’m still in shock and trying to process the fact that I have cancer. Can’t quite say that I do out loud.. yet. I don’t know.. all I know is I need to remain positive and for the first time in a long time really allow people to help me. I need to take better care of myself and concentrate on what is at hand. I haven’t read any literature yet except what my surgeon said which was lymphoma is very treatable. Once I know what kind I have and the stage then I will do some research. Right now I just have to except that I have it.. the “C” word.. then once I know what I have to tackle I will do so.
I wasn’t sure whether or not to make this public. However I have decided to document how it all goes through words and of course images. It is my way of having some control of this and a way for me to heal. I would also like to think I could somehow help someone else who may stumble upon this. I had thought about starting up another blog just for this but I don’t want to separate it from my life, and this blog and my photos here are my life. so.. for the latest and greatest up dates stay tuned. I do intend to handle this much like I do other things, with a positive attitude and some sarcasm thrown in just to keep it lively. I know there will be times where it will be hard to right about what is going on but.. I will try to.. if someone else takes comfort in what I have to say it will all be worth it.
So.. if you can, follow me on my newest adventure.. one that will test my faith as well as my strength. I know I won’t be able to do it without the love, care and support of my family, loved ones and friends, both in person and online.
~ peace~
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Good Morning Laurie:
Your relatively newly posted self-portrait on Flickr caught my eye first thing this morning and, of course, I then discover this post on your blog. While I”m not much on the God thing, I am a big believer in the maintenance of and health that a positive outlook can achieve.
I like the idea of documenting your “adventure.” Just the idea that you’re viewing this as an adventure is most likely a little more than most can fathom, but life can be, no, life should be, an adventure with all the peaks and valleys intact. I hope you will find strength and clarity to blog about and photograph this new adventure so we may all share what you see and experience. So that we too may learn and benefit from that experience.
If I can make sense of prayer in any way, it rests in the knowledge that others are out there thinking about our best interests. Wishing us well. Hoping for good outcomes. Surely there’s some solace in that. You may now add me to the mix. Be well, Laurie. Peace.
Laurie,
I know that you are worried about H. right now that you most likely want to protect her and that is normal. However, she is your daughter and she too will handle this with strength, grace and courage.
As you know my life has been intimently and repeatedly touched by Cancer. So when I heard what was happening with you, it deeply affected me. Even though we have worked together for a couple of yrs I know that we have not been that close, but I wanted to tell you that I have all the faith in the world that you will conquer this DX and will do it with your natural courage, gracefulness and humor. I know how hard it can be to ask for help. I do not do it well either
I am here for you in any way that you need.
I have been a nurse for a long time and have cared for many people with cancer, but when it is in your house and your life everyday….. you develop a new understanding of what having cancer truly means to the person and the family.
I do not want to addd to your stress, by calling rihgt now
I am here if you want to talk.
I am here if you need rides to TX
I am here for what ever I can do to make this easier.
I am here to help..
You are in my thoughts
Patti M
Laurie–
I know we haven’t met, but I work with Mike, and he speaks about you often. Just wanted you to know you are in my prayers. Your attitude toward life will aid you in the pathway to healing. And a little sarcasm certainly adds spice along the way!
You go girl! Patty
Laurie, I’m so sorry to hear about this! I do know that you have lots of friends to support you. Please let them. I know how strong you’ve been for many years, and it gives me confidence that you can beat this. I will be following along, and you will definitely be in my prayers! Hang in there!
Laurie, Im here for you. I know how difficult it will be bor you to ask for help. You will probably need someone to take you to chemo, radiation, etc. I want to be able to help you whenever and wherever possible. You know that it’s not an imposition to me to travel around so coming up to Hallowell to pick you up wouldn’t bother me. Once you learn your schedule for tx, we can work out a schedule for who is going to take you each time. We all want to be part of your healing.
Love, Janet
Your words move me. I just read your blog while working night shift and haven’t been able to stop crying for a about 10 minutes now. Hopefully the phone doesn’t ring!
I have never been very good at expressing myself but want you to know that I really do care about you and think of you often.
You have and will continue to be in my prayers. I know you for the strong, wonderful woman you are and know that you will overcome. All the best to you my dear friend….
Oh Laurie, sharing this with us is so brave, I hope it helps you process. How is H. holding up? I’ll bet you’re worried about her more than yourself.
Call my cell if you need me, the number hasn’t changed since you were in Huntington.
the angel leads the one who been shaped by His hand , much closer towards perfection ? powerful snapshot laurie …
wow.. thank you from the bottom of my heart for these lovely words Peta, Maegan and Knicki. Your thoughts and care are so very much appreciated..
Laurie, I just came across your blog. All my strength goes to you during this time. I know of at least two people who have whoop’d lyphoma’s butt now I will know at least 3
Oh, Laurie…I’m so sorry. A dear friend of mine is currently in remission after battling lymphoma….it’s been a tough road, but she is doing great! Your positive attitude is going to serve you very well! I’m so glad you’ve decided to share your story. You will be in my prayers and I will be here with you as you find out more. Much love and peace to you…
My thoughts and prayers Laurie for a speedy healing of this! My oldest, now 30, had leukemia at age 3…she conquered it, I believe you’ll be fine too! Love,
Peta
xo