I was sitting at the book store last night perusing some photography books while sipping on a cappuccino and eating pumpkin cheesecake. At one point while reading I noticed a toddler sitting on his mother’s lap eating a cookie and chattering away.. I then noticed a grandmother carrying around her newly hatched grandson. Not for the first time as of late I found myself yearning for those years again.
I can’t help but feel a little sad and lost. My child rearing days are over yet I still feel pretty young.. even at 41 and I can pave my own road ahead with many (hopefully) years ahead. I feel like I’m at an in between phase of my life. While I’m obviously still a mother my role has changed dramatically. I see other women my age who are just starting out or in the middle of their child’s years. With Hayley being in college I don’t quite know who I am any longer. It’s like I’m waking up from a different life and now in a new one. I’m caught in the in between, life as I knew it which was structured and scheduled and the life ahead which is unchartered and without the focus that a child provides for you. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited but I get caught unexpectedly as with the sight of the two young children of just how much has changed in such a short amount of time. It surprises me and catches my breath.
Photography, I now find is something that I’m consuming myself with. I guess if there is to be consumption capturing life’s moments is a good way to feed that need.
Have a great weekend..
~ peace ~
